Star Wars: Space-Based Shit 01 September 2008

For what will probably turn out not to be the last time, another Star Wars feature film has been released in theatres. I can’t say that the prospect of another Star Wars film induced any kind of joy in me, I do not have much time for George Lucas. I don’t like Star Wars, I think it is massively over hyped, cliché, predictable and corny. I find the original trilogy boring, and the second trilogy of prequels frankly ludicrous.

The worldwide pop culture phenomenon is almost universally loved by men about my age, and I have had a few heated conversations in pubs when I’ve voiced my dislike of the ‘made for merchandise’ franchise is simply a watered down and infantile version of true, dark sci-fi.

I refuse to believe an entire legion of storm-troopers can be defeated by a band of midget teddy-bears armed with assorted forest foliage. I refuse to believe poor plots can be improved with CGI. I refuse to believe that technology was better in the prequel trilogy than the original trilogy. And I refuse to believe the source of all knowledge and wisdom is a big-eared lump of snot in a hood.

The original trilogy certainly broke new boundaries in terms of special effects, and had a significant impact in the movement towards the use of CGI in films, however this does not get over the fact that other than The Empire Strikes Back, which had the benefit of not being written or directed by George Lucas actually has some dark subtext, and feels at time mildly interesting, the films are turgid creatively vacuous nonsense. In addition to the tasteless overuse of CGI, people seem to stand around a lot and explain the plot to one another. Comical aliens and robots do little to amuse whatever four year-old has misfortunately been forced to watch such tripe.

And so we come to Clone Wars, the latest opportunity for George Lucas to toss one-off into the used tissue of cinema. The man who couldn’t direct traffic, returns once more to squeeze the remaining juice out of an infantile franchise that was empty and barren of interest or invention about 20 twenty minutes into the first movie back in 1977.

What really annoys me is the fact that this talentless hack believes anyone could possibly still have any interest in his never-ending series. For over 30 years, he’s been churning out this space-based shit, and still we are waiting for a moment of genuine character emotion or inspired narrative.

Please… George. Just stop. You have enough money.